that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
