i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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