There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
