Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
