My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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