yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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