she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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