Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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