I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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