Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
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