what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You took a bar mat shot.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
