Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
