U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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