She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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