There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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