got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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