Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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