Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
did you just send me my own nude
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
