absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
