That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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