Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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