I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
