Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
