I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
