i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize