somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
