Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
