The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
