She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm at about main and main street
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
