Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
