youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
