god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
