apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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