My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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