Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
