The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
porn star boner night. come get it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
