that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
