barbara walters just said penis...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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