did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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