the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
