OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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