So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
