I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize