I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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