How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
