Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
