Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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