so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How does one acquire holy water?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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