Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
