she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
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i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
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Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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