I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The uberlube is also flammable
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
