I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
