thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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