Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think your dad took our porno
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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