Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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