nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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