just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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