Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
