Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
