When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
