the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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