No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
