I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
