went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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