whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
