My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
