Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
