I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
