I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
