i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
