I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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