I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
